Today, almost all of us have someone around us who is in a non-monogamous relationship (of whatever kind).
What’s more, those of us who choose to be alone with one person can even feel ‘weird’ because of our choice.
But it is not that monogamy is destined to disappear, simply that there is less and less prejudice in the way in which we build our ties.
To deepen this, a little chat with the sociologist Cecilia Bizzotto helps me understand many things (and maybe you too).
And it is that the expert is a spokesperson for JOYclub Spain , a platform that seeks to create a liberal online community and also organizes events for its members to meet.
“Today, polyamorous or sexually open relationships are more highly regarded than ever before , there are more resources available, and it’s easier to learn to bond in ways other than monogamy.”
«This does not mean that now everyone is going to become polyamorous and that monogamy is going to become extinct overnight, but that we can choose more how we want to live our sexual-affective ties, in a conscious and informed way and without being ( so) judged».
But of course, for those who are not very into the polyamorous subject, it seems that the word only has one synonym: promiscuity .
One of the myths that Cecilia disproves: “polymar does not imply (only) sleeping with more people, but opening the door to experience more affective bonds. That implies more care, more affective responsibility , better time management, emotional work… Not just fucking”.
“In fact, a running joke in these circles is that when you’re polyamorous you don’t fuck a lot, you talk a lot .”
“I would tell those people to find out about the differences between the terms before judging them. And that they reconsider why the (alleged) promiscuity of others causes them discomfort » .
Disclosure of polyamory
Works of fiction have also contributed to this openness. The series -one of the latest examples is Alpha Males- are some of the ones that bring out the new ways of relating in their plots.
«There are some good proposals, although the truth is that the little I have seen in the cinema is quite unwise and full of clichés» .
“Many times terms are confused, this orientation is hypersexualized, it results in absurd myths, stereotypes about open relationships and even typical gender classics are reflected …”, affirms the sociologist.
It is not the only way to ‘normalize’ polyamory. «Dissemination, scientific studies of the social, the naturalization of sexuality, the growing criticism against patriarchy and romantic love, easy access to truthful and quality information, the growth of polyamory groups in various locations in Spain…» , are other ways through which, according to Cecilia, we are achieving greater affective and sexual freedom .
Especially in Spain, a country where, according to the expert, we are ” more critical of the monogamous system , so I would say that the visibility of non-monogamous relationships (not just polyamory) is gaining strength.”
If what Cecilia Bizzotto has commented makes you curious, she has also left a list of books with which you can delve into the subject, in addition to the JOYclub magazine where they do interviews with therapists and experts in the field:
Promiscuous Ethics , by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
All that I don’t know how to explain to my mother. (Poly) love, … Read the rest